clever minx

Poetry of life (or 200 WORD WEDNESDAY for heather ;)

I'm tired of being bitter, tired of not knowing where the road of life will take me, tired of being lonely and being alone- a feeling that will never leave. Tired of juggling back and forth between radiant confidence and plunging self esteem and listening to songs that inspire me one day and have the complete opposite effect the very next week.
Same damn song.
I'm tired of having half a bed on the mountain and half in the city, but being half at work and half on the road. I'm tired of working out endlessly and seeing more angst in the gym and less results in my body. I'm tired of the anger and disappointment between therapy visits. I'm tired of not being able to decide whether or not I will be a lazy ass about getting bills paid and getting shit done in my life.
I'm tired of running back to the same guy for sex, knowing that we'll never be together and that I'll never not love him. I'm tired of the eternal smell of cream rinse and smoke in my hair when I lay down after a long night of drinking.
This reminds me of my favorite song, but also of how sad it is to still be sleeping alone on a friends couch with my smoke drenched hair in my drunken face.
I'm tired of not being wanted and not wanting anything. I'm tired of working a shift that allows for no regularity and no life with no raises and no room for improvement or even appreciation. So, I wish I'd get fired, or that I'd never been hired.. and I'm tired of being tired, expired, uninspired.
I'm exhausted.